The Bat Story

I have no news to post so I might as well tell you what happened these past two days.

So I was wide awake here on my computer checking out stuff when I noticed a big object flying around in my room. I could only glance at it because it was flying rather fast. All I caught was that it had wings and a kind of big body, I simply thought it was a bird.
You might be asking yourselves one of two questions... or maybe both:

1. When will he get on with the story?
2. What did you do?
   

So I opened my door to the outside and tried to let it fly out, suddenly I noticed it had no beak and then it hit me like a sack of bricks. It was a bat. I tried to lure it outside and the thing would just fly in circles in my room. I sought out professional help and got my dad. We couldn't find it and we assumed it had flown out of the room. Well a few minutes back in my room it flew in again, this time I closed my door and sealed off my room. Got my dad again and when he got out of his room the bat had gotten into the living room. My dad opened the front door and tried to let the bat out the front door. The bat got onto and log and crawled into the ceiling and never came out. I figured I'd sleep in my brother's room because the bat may not have access to the room. Sure enough minutes after I got into my brother's room the bat flies in. I go into the bathroom and the bat starts flying around violently hitting the blinds, the lamp, the door. Eventually I slowly went into my brother's room again and it wasn't moving, now it was asleep on the ceiling. I went back into my room and crawled into bed and as I' drifting off the bat comes back into my room. Eventually I went to sleep.
Today I was going to sleep in the basement and I remembered I should take an allergy pill. So as I grabbed the box out of the medicine cabinet I heard flapping by the kitchen window. I move slowly towards it and there's the bat trapped under the window, it flies out from under the window and disappears somewhere. I get my dad again and he gets a fishing net and a broom. He looked and couldn't find it in the bathroom or in my room. I heard flapping in my brother's room, so I tell my dad it's in there. My dad walks in, turns on the light, and closes the door. Suddenly he start trash talking the bat and swinging at it with the broom. Suddenly I hear him say, "Connor! Get a garbage bag!" I quickly get a heavy duty trash bag and bring it to my dad who now has the bat trapped under a broom. He lifts the broom slowly and the bat attempts to crawl out, then my dad puts the broom back on him. After awhile my dad proceeds to punch the living crap out of the bat while it's under the broom. He lifts the broom and the bat isn't moving my dad and I thought it was either stunned or dead. I take control of the broom while my dad gets hold of the garbage bag. I suggest to him, "Maybe you should hit it some more to keep it stunned longer." My dad gets back down and proceeds to punch the living crap out of the bat again. He tells me to lift the broom and I do it slowly. There lying under the broom is the bat flattened and bloody. My dad gets him in the garbage bag and throws him out while my mom comes in and cleans up the blood (there wasn't two much, just a few drops). My dad and I just look at each other and laugh. After that everyone went to bed knowing that there wasn't a bat in the house.

What's the Deal With...?

What's the deal with FPS's and Space Marines? Everyone seems to be doing Space Marines: Halo, Quake, Doom, Haze, etc. etc. etc. etc! Now I didn't mention Warhammer 40k because they probably pioneered the Space Marine. It got old after Quake 4, so why do they keep doing it? Have developers run out of ideas? Does this look infected? (Just Kidding) Need ideas developers? Alright, I'll puke a couple out right now.

1. It'll be called "The Gun Bloodening" and will be a western horror. A town is over run with zombies and it's up to some Clint Eastwood type character to save the day. Make lots of gore to stay true to the title.
2. It'll be called "Mensch-Maschine" (German for Man-Machine) and it will be an action game. A half man-half machine... thing is terrorizing a town and a group of teenagers decide to take it down by any means necessary.

Okay, I'll admit they aren't that great, but I don't see you doing any better! All I see you putting out is Space Marine FPS games and J-RPGs. If you said to me, "I don't see you coming out with anything better than Halo!" I would just sigh and say, "It's not hard to come out with anything better than Halo and if you don't believe me then maybe I should, maybe I should make a game and rub it in your face." If you say nothing is better than Halo then:

1. You are a fanboy (most likely)
   
2. You have no taste in good games
3. You are a moron
4. You probably only care about graphics and multiplayer, and less about story and single player gameplay.

I can name three great games that most Halo fans and must-be-state-of-the-art graphics people would stay away from:

1. System Shock 2
2. Dark Forces
3. Operation Flashpoint

Halo fans would pick up all of those and say things like (yes another list):

1. "No regenerating health bar, wtf!"
2. "No repetitive gameplay, SOB!"
3. etc. (I don't feel like listing every possibilty)

The graphics people would just be pissed and grossed out by how outdated the graphics are and to them I sigh and give them a dunce hat.

Old Therion Has Broken Up

Dear Fans,
Today we have an announcement that will come as a shock to all of you. The four permanent members of the band have had some discussions and it is clear that we have different goals and visions for the future. Therefore it is best for the band, ourselves as individuals and for the fans that we go separate ways now when there is still plenty of time before the next Therion album and World Tour.
This means that Christofer will continue with Therion and the others will perform their music in other projects and bands.
We're all still friends, no one is disappointed and there's still some work we have left
to do together in terms of editing of materials we have recorded for future DVD's.
Best regards to all of you and thank you so much for the wonderful support you have given
the band during the time we have played together.

Christofer, Kristian, Johan and Petter.

This was the message I found on Therion's website (megatherion.com) and this upsets me because I had just gotten into the band and I was hoping for more and knowing that there won't be any more, this really sucks. I love this fantasy music that doesn't have swears. Well I want to know what the new Therion will sound like since Chris is the only one continuing with it.

E3 '08 Stuff

I saw the Fallout 3 trailer and my god it looks so much better than the original Fallout in the sense of combat. In the original Fallout they had this stupid point system and you used up points when you moved and attacked so you might end up dying quickly. In Fallout 3 they've taken that point system out, which is just swell! I didn't see much in the trailer, but it definitely sold itself. You can target weak points on your enemies and send them flying without some limbs.
I caught a glimpse of Star Wars: Force Unleashed which looks more awesome every time I see it. The Euphoria Engine will definitely pay off. I saw early tests of the engine awhile ago and it sold the game right there. Stormtroopers (when pushed off a ledge) will grab the ledge and dangle off it and if another falls off that same ledge they'll grab that first stormtrooper's legs and so on. You get to use the force on not just enemies and objects like crates, but you can use the force to hurl a tie fighter at a squad. Again I didn't see much, but it looks great.
Also there's a new Red Faction game called Red Faction: Guerrilla and the engine used in this game is almost as great as the Euphoria engine. They added something where the objects in the environment have a sense of what they're made of and what can destroy them, so you can literally drive a walker into a friggin' building. You can blow up sections to entire bridges. The whole environment is destructible which makes me want to play the game just for that, HA-HA.
More info on E3 '08 stuff tomorrow

Adam Sessler is the Saviour to Gaming

• ADAM SESSLER vs JACK THOMPSON

Adam shows Jack Thompson that video games do not cause real world violence and that the real issues are more important. Jack Thompson is a person who doesn't know what he is talking about and doesn't do research besides looking at one study. The guy who is the middle man proves the same points as Adam Sessler, but from a parent's perspective.

• ADAM SESSLER shows ELLIOT SPITZER who's boss

I don't know who Elliot Spitzer is but Adam insults them about criticizing video games.

• ADAM SESSLER discusses a gaming study with RESEARCHERS

Researchers tell the true facts about violent video games and how they don't affect adolescent/child behavior, take that Jack Thompson.

First Impressions

So I'll review the demos for Postal 2 and Heavy Metal F.A.K.K. 2. I downloaded Heavy Metal F.A.K.K. 2 because I couldn't find a You Are Empty demo, so I'll just buy it when I get back from Colorado. So let's start with the Heavy Metal game. If you are unfamiliar with the Heavy Metal series it's a series of comic books and animated movies that involve sex and violence. The game is no different. The main character Julie has breasts the size of Jupiter and your trainer sounds like someone from a 1-900 number. The weapon system is cool, you can dual wield any two weapons you want. The soundtrack is also... AMAZING. The main menu song when you start the game is just awesome, it sounds like MDFMK. I couldn't finish the demo though because... I just didn't like the game. I didn't get frustrated or anything or quit because I died, I quit because they didn't introduce the two characters you were fighting with for a few moments. Come on, even a little introduction would be nice. They definitely have a large array of ways to get around obstacles which is pretty nice. Oh and by the way it's in third person which is kind of not fun, but I forgive it because Jedi Outcast was like that... in a way. Anyways, I wouldn't recommend this game to anyone really.
Now on to Postal 2. God I love this game. It's an FPS Grand Theft Auto except more vile. When you walk into anyone's house (you can walk into any building) you are greeted with the kind words of, "Get the f*** out of my house a**hole!" I didn't notice any music except in the grocery store, which was middle eastern music. The main character makes comments every now and again like when you unzip and pee on someone he says, "Oooooh yeah!" or "That's the ticket." Unlike Grand Theft Auto you are on foot the whole time and you run errands as opposed to gang missions which I like a lot more. I'm going to keep on playing this one. I recommend this to anyone who is just bored and needs a fun vile game to relieve their boredom.

Faster Than a Speeding... Something

So after my parents consulted the Hughes Net people we now have faster internet. It is actually pretty damn fast, I smile when I surf the internet as opposed to groaning (kind of like when I play any Halo game). So now that the internet is fast I have to celebrate. How will I celebrate you may be asking yourselves, well I think I'm going to download some game demos... I'm bored out here and I've beaten Jedi Knight 3 times and stopped caring when I was attempting to beat the game with all secrets. Anyways I think I'll try to find the demos for "You Are Empty" and "Postal 2" and if anything else grabs my attention then that.

More Things That Anger Me and a Little More.

So as I've been surfing the internet (it has gotten surprisingly faster from drunken turtle to turtle speeds) and living life I have found some things that tick me off... and I'm going to rant about them sort of... in a list.

1. Forum A-Holes: Forum A-Holes are the people that normally have a black and white picture of a live action film star as their avatar and always feel that there opinion is final and if anyone says otherwise they respond with either, "Go die," "You're a f**," "fail," etc. No matter how logical the other persons opinion is he still thinks his opinion is final. I'll try to be friendly with them or avoid them, so that I don't get on their bad side, but they'll always just continue to be the jerk that they are.
2. The Cost of Macromedia/Adobe Flash: So I kind of want to jump start my animation "career" if you want to call it that and start doing Flash cartoons. There is a road block in my way and it happens to be the cost of Macromedia/Adobe Flash. The cost for a brand new copy of Flash (either CS3 or 8 or something) is $800. Jesus Christ that is expensive. Even Flash 5 is $150, which isn't too bad, but I'm afraid to save my money, get it and find out that it is just not what I want. I guess I'll have to use MS Paint and Windows Movie Maker to do an animation... or just save up for Flash 5... which I may do.... and then get a friggin' tablet because those are just plain hardcore... you don't even know.
3. Buzz Killers: I hate when people suddenly become buzz killers, like you'll be telling a joke you heard on the [Adult Swim] show "Robot Chicken" and once done or midway through telling it the person stops you and says, "That joke originated on 'Futurama.'" The only thought crossing my mind is, "I DON'T GIVE A RATS @$$!" I'll kind of clue them in on that and some people just won't get it.
4. Summer Reading Bull Spit: So for some stupid reason Illinois schools think it is a wonderful idea to have students read the world's worst literature over their break, which takes out the entire point of having a break at all. The book I have to read now is so boring and is so choppy I have no idea what is going on in the book, if it's an introduction or if the book is like this the entire time. I should probably mention the fact that I'm three chapters into the book. Anyways back on topic, the whole idea of a summer break is to give everyone a nice breath of fresh air and hang out time before starting the next school year. Also most of us are getting jobs or are busy during summer.
   ...Friggin' morons.
5. Mindless Games: I LOOOOOOOOOVE Video games (if you didn't already know that). I like those games that have thought put into them and aren't just stupid. Let's look at Operation Flashpoint: Cold War Crisis. I LOVE this game, it's a true military shooter. They have a mission where you have to guard a camp and make sure there Soviets don't infiltrate it. Now in a mindless shooter they'd throw tanks, jeeps, and all sorts of infantry at you like the U.S.S.R. has an infinite amount of troops. What do they do in the REAL mission? There is just one guy you have to watch out for, kill him and the mission is complete. No one really knows about this game (even though it got the Game of the Year award), but let's drift from that and go into Halo, a very popular series. If you don't know what Halo is you must be living under a rock. Anyways, I try my hardest to like Halo and... I just can't. There's no logic to it. There's no... challenge, it's kind of like the game Painkiller (which ownz all kinds of ass) except with a story going on at all times. My friends always want me to play Halo with them and I always want to say no, but they're my friends and they're cool, so I endure it. Why do people like Halo so much? I don't understand it. Call of Duty 4 is pretty fun, but not as fun as an older military shooter like the Delta Force series.

Yeah, whatever, I'm tired, happy 4th of July, I'm gonna sign off.
And by the way, I'd like all readers to post a comment on this post because I noticed that I have more than 2 readers (yay!).

My Wireless Internet in Colorado

So my second house in Colorado does have wireless internet (thank god), however it sucks some serious balls. It's not the fact that it's "satellite" internet, though I find that a bit interesting, it's that the commercials claim that it goes at blazing fast speeds. When I see that commercial for Hughes Net my jaw drops and I yell, "BULL SHIT!" The internet here is about as fast as a drunken turtle. Comcast goes at Cheetah-like speeds and hotels go at Jack Rabbit-like speeds (And clear out your bookmarks and memory of homepage) and then Hughes Net goes, like I said, at Drunken Turtle-like speeds. By the time I am finished loading a five minute video I look down and realize that not only have I grown a Father Time sized beard, but my hair has turned gray, and I'm all wrinkly. My dad called Comcast to see if they could hook us up with a new connection and they said, "Sorry, we don't have construction in your area and we don't have any future plans to do construction." I find that rather odd because just the other day I saw a Comcast van driving through the neighborhood. Anyway, yeah, that's it. There was a dirty spoon.